I've Been Searching For A Feeling (And I've Finally Found It)
by OnewithNature
Summary: Carla returns to Weatherfield exactly when Kate needs her to. (Kana-related)
1. Chapter 1

**Heyyyy, I hope you guys are doing well! I decided to write a fic for Kate and Rana since my life basically revolves around them now lmao. I wrote this because I really love Kate's relationship with Carla and I felt compelled to provide more exposition for Kate's feelings about Rana. No beta, so all mistakes are mine. Also, this pre-dates Luke's demise; so don't get confused about the timeline. I'm fairly new to this show and I'm not british but I tried to add in some of the british-mancurian dialect I've heard on the show as much as I possibly could lol**

* * *

"Can you be any more obvious?" Carla hissed, shaking her head in disbelief.

"What?" Kate asked, her eyes now shifting to her sister.

"You haven't heard a word I've said since nursey arrived," Carla said, tilting her head in the direction of the bar.

"Yes, I have." Kate lifted her chin defensively and cleared her throat as she tried to recall what Carla was saying. "You've been going on about Aidan and….how he's driving you mad with his new plans for the Underworld."

Carla leaned back into her chair and chuckled as she made a move to grab her orange juice. "I stopped talking about him 10 minutes ago."

Kate opened her mouth to speak, but closed it when she realized there was nothing she could say to prove that she was listening…..because the truth was that she simply wasn't. She and Carla were having a perfectly good lunch at the Bistro when Rana unexpectedly breezed in to visit Zeedan about something; stealing her attention in the process. They hadn't had the chance to see each other these past few days, so Kate's desire for some alone time with her was particularly intense at the moment. And palpable, apparently.

Carla placed her drink down and sighed. "You need a new game plan, Kate. Things can't keep going on the way they are. This is going to eat you up inside until you become just a shell of yourself. I've been there, I know what it's like."

Kate looked into her sister's familiar, brown eyes and swallowed a bit at the concern she saw lying within them. "I don't know what to do." Her solemn gaze shifted to Rana again as she continued. "I love her, but….she's scared….heck, I'm scared."

Carla reached across the table and grabbed one of Kate's hands to comfort her. "You think she's gonna hurt you?"

Kate refocused her attention on Carla; suddenly grateful for the physical support as she felt a lump building in her throat. "I'm afraid that I won't be able to recover if she does."

Carla gently squeezed her hand. "Oh, darling….I don't want to be negative about this, but if it does happen, I'm sure you'll find your bearings soon enough. I mean, don't get me wrong, it'll hurt a ton at first. But you're stronger than you think…you'll bounce back."

Kate could do nothing but sigh at her sister's optimism. "I dunno…"

They were silent for a minute until Rana walked pass their table on her way out; smiling at Kate as she did so. The waitress smiled back and released her hand from Carla's grasp a few seconds later when she heard her phone go off with a notification.

Carla watched Kate intently as the young woman tried to keep a neutral expression while reading a new message. "It's her, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Kate replied, looking up from her phone. She couldn't help but crack a small smile as she did so.

"What did she say?" Carla asked, raising a brow in curiosity.

Kate turned off her phone screen and placed it face down on the table. "Nothing." She raised her glass to take a sip of her wine.

Carla took a bite of her salad, nonchalantly. "Oh, c'mon. What are you guys doing? Texting each other nudes?"

Kate choked on her wine momentarily before regaining her composure. "Stop it."

Carla chuckled and briefly raised her hands in surrender. "Fine."

Kate accepted the concession and shook her head at the accusation as she tried to finish her own salad.

They were quiet for a moment until Carla looked down at her plate with a mischievous smile. "…You do seem a bit defensive though, so I must be right."

Kate dropped her fork abruptly, allowing it to clank against her plate as she shot daggers at her sister in exasperation.

* * *

"She's the one."

Carla tore her eyes away from the movie they were watching and looked at Kate, slightly confused. "What?"

They had gone back to the flat Kate shared with Luke and Alya to spend more time together before Carla headed back to Devon. They were alone in the flat with the others still at work.

Kate met her sister's eyes and repeated herself. "She's the one...I can feel it….it's why I can't let her go."

Carla grabbed the remote and turned off the TV as an expression of understanding dawned on her face. She then leaned back on the sofa and nodded at her sister, encouraging her to continue. Kate obviously needed to get this out, and she was going to give her all the time she needed to do that.

"I've never felt like this before…"

Kate looked down as she began fiddling a bit with the thumb ring on her right hand. "That's what I meant, before, when I said I was scared….I mean, I did love Caz once upon a time, but this is totally different."

The waitress paused briefly as she tried to collect more of her thoughts. "I think about her all time and I want to be with her all the time. I've thought about what it would be like to have a future with her….not just in the short-term, but in the long term as well. I can't believe how far my mind has taken me sometimes…"

Kate looked up again to find Carla listening to her intently, her body turned toward her on the sofa. "This is why I'm afraid I won't be able to recover if she doesn't pick me. We're technically not even together yet, but I'm already at the point where I can't see myself without her anymore. I know that sounds crazy, but that's just the way things are now. That's how I feel…"

Carla waited silently for a bit once Kate stopped talking. When it became apparent that she would not continue, the older woman spoke up. "Kate…you're not crazy, you're just in love. Love makes us say, think, and do crazy things."

Carla grabbed her sister's hand again, just as she did earlier. "Does she know how you feel? The depth of your feelings?"

"She knows that I love her…it's far too early for the other stuff." Kate chuckled as she wiped away a stray tear that was making its way down her left cheek. "Wouldn't wanna scare her off."

Carla's face broke into a small smile. "Is she in love with you?"

"I think so…"

Carla raised an eyebrow, skepticism coloring her face. "You _think_ so?"

Kate's eyes reconnected with her sister's. "She is. It's just hard for me to accept sometimes."

"Why?"

Kate hesitated for a second before answering. "I don't think I ever really knew what I was looking for in a woman until I fell in love with her….and now that I've found the woman of my dreams, it's hard to imagine me being that person for her; me being the woman of her dreams."

"Hey, don't sell yourself short, Kate. You're a heck of catch. If she didn't think so, then none of this would be happening right now."

Kate smiled warmly at her sister's words. "Thanks."

Carla beamed at her in return. "I'm only being honest. And I'm proud of you, by the way," she said, gently teasing Kate with a playful pat on the arm. "She's a sight for sore eyes. You've done well for yourself."

Kate rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. "It's not just about her looks, okay? She's incredibly warm, kind, loving, funny, thoughtful….I feel like I could go on for ages."

"Oh, I don't doubt that. We've already been talking about her for ages, if you haven't noticed," Carla said, determined to keep up her teasing.

Kate laughed heartily for the first time since they arrived at the flat. "Whatever. Isn't this what big sisters are for anyway? Listening to their little sisters' problems and then fixing them?"

"Fixing them?" Carla chuckled briefly before allowing her smile to fade away. "I don't know if I can do that in this case, sweetheart. Wish I could though."

Kate sighed deeply at the statement; the reality of the situation suddenly weighing her down again. She stayed silent for a moment and melted into Carla as the older woman pulled her into a comforting embrace.

"I love you," Kate whispered, once again grateful for her sister's support.

"I love you, too," Carla replied, softly. She gave her a light squeeze as she continued. "This will all work out. I promise."

Carla gently ran a hand through Kate's long, brown hair and made a mental note to visit the medical centre the next morning.

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 **This was originally supposed to be just a one shot but I've been toying with the idea of posting a chapter detailing Rana's feelings. That was sort of why I added that last line about Carla going to the medical centre. I haven't made up my mind about it yet. Drop a comment if you feel compelled to.**


	2. Chapter 2

Rana walked into Roy's café nervously running a thumb up and down the strap of her purse.

It was her lunch hour. And though her stomach felt unsettled, it wasn't because she was hungry.

Carla had visited the medical centre that morning for a check up and, for whatever reason, insisted on meeting her for lunch that afternoon. Though Rana had heard many great things about her from Kate, those stories did nothing to stop the anxiety that was coursing through her nerves as she approached the table where Carla was waiting for her.

Rana smiled, trying not to let her trepidation show when the older woman stood up and greeted her with an unexpected hug. "Nice to see you again, Rana. Can I get you anything? A coffee and a sandwich, perhaps?"

Rana took her seat at the table. "No, thank you. I'm actually not very hungry at the moment."

Carla nodded in response. "Alright, if you say so." She smiled cheekily at Roy when he brought over a glass of orange juice and some toast for her as soon as they sat down. "I didn't order this, but thanks anyway, _dad_."

Roy shook his head in amusement and walked away, not feeling a need to respond to the remark.

Rana chuckled lightly at the interaction. "Dad?"

Carla looked over at Roy again with a fond smile as he worked the counter. "Yeah, he's always been like family to me."

She paused briefly and turned to face Rana again with a pensive expression. "Kate as well. I loved her like a sister even before I found out she was actually my sister."

Rana cleared her throat nervously. "Yeah, she's told me. I'm glad she has someone like you in her life."

Carla leisurely began swirling the straw in her orange juice. "Me too," she said, still solemn. "I like being a big sister to her, you know? I enjoy protecting her and giving her bits of advice so she doesn't make the same kind of mistakes I made."

Rana nodded her head slowly and swallowed hard. "Makes sense that you'd feel that way."

She suddenly wished she'd taken Carla up on her offer for a drink because she could feel her mouth getting dry. Her gut instinct was telling her that this conversation was headed in a direction she wasn't ready for.

"I've been gone for a while, so I'm trying to get a good feel for where everyone's at, mentally. I need to know what's going on so I can properly help the people I care about."

"Yeah, of course," Rana agreed, releasing a deep breath as she spoke.

Carla stopped playing with her straw and shifted the glass to one side of the table as she made eye contact with Rana. "I understand that you and Kate have gotten really close since I've been gone."

Rana briefly averted her eyes. "Yeah, you could say that. She's been a great…. friend."

"Hmm…that's not surprising. She's always had a heart of gold…."

Carla continued after a few moments of silence. "Should I be worried about her though? She hasn't quite seemed like herself."

Rana began fiddling with the napkin in front of her, simultaneously forcing a smile onto her face. "No, I don't believe so. She's doing quite well….as far as I can tell."

"Well, darling, she was in bits in my arms just last night, so I don't think she's doing well at all."

Rana's eyes widened some. She was going to say something, but was cut off before she could utter a word.

"I know about what's been going on with the two of you, so please…just be honest with me," Carla said. Her tone was gentle, but firm. "If you're not going to pick Kate, then please just let her go so she can heal."

Rana looked around before leaning forward and speaking in a low voice. "I didn't mean for this to happen, okay? I don't want to hurt her."

"But she's already hurting, Rana. She may seem strong a lot of the time, but she's suffering. You need to make a decision about what you want…who you want…because this isn't fair to Kate."

Rana sighed and leaned back into her chair. "I know. Everything is just…hard. I'm new to all this and I don't know how to handle it."

"If she's the one you truly want, then she can help you. You don't have to go through this alone," Carla urged. Rana was grateful for the compassion she could hear in her voice. It was comforting.

"I know I don't. But I've got so much to deal with. I'm at risk of blowing up my whole life….my family…"

Carla nodded in understanding. "I've had my fair share of affairs, so I know what it can be like. The guilt, the shame, the fear; I felt it all. It's easy to focus on the negatives. But maybe try looking at the positives of this situation? Like….how do you feel about my sister?"

Rana paused, looked around for a couple of seconds again, and answered earnestly. "I….I love her…"

Carla smiled immediately. Hearing the truth about Rana's feelings from the woman herself, meant that there was a good chance this would end well for her sister. At least, that's what she hoped.

"…And…I love the fact that she accepts me for who I am," Rana continued. "She doesn't try to suppress me in any way. She just loves me for me and…I've never had anyone love me like that before."

Carla reached across the table and placed a hand on one of Rana's. She could see the vulnerability shining in her eyes as she spoke.

"Well, if that's the case…it sounds to me like you guys have something really special. Don't throw it away because you're scared. At the end of the day, this is your life and you only get one chance to live it, so do what makes you happy, regardless of what people think."

Rana smiled sadly at Carla's words. "That's easier said than done."

"True. But the best things in life never come easy. You have to be willing to make sacrifices."

Carla gave her an encouraging smile and squeezed her hand a bit. "I reckon that the love you share with Kate is worth a sacrifice, right?"

Rana's smile became warm as Carla's optimism sank into the depths of her heart. "I suppose," she said, softly.

"Good." Carla withdrew her hand and checked the time. "Listen, I have a meeting with Aidan soon, so I've got to run. Thanks for coming."

"No problem. Thanks for the invite. I feel a little bit better knowing that you don't hate me," Rana chuckled. "I thought you were going to rip my head off."

The older woman grabbed her purse along with her coat and rose from her chair. "I just might if Kate comes crying to me again because of you," she deadpanned.

Her face broke out into a grin when she noticed that Rana was visibly terrified. "Relax, I'm joking." She gave her a pat on the shoulder as she left the table and walked out of the café. "You'll have to get used to my humor if this is gonna work."


End file.
